We've all got deal breakers. Mostly we reserve deal breakers for whomever we are dating. They did "such and such and that is a deal breaker". Then we move on.
But what happens when your friends do things that are turn offs? When friends do it...it can't be a deal breaker. Cause they're your friend. You can't just kick them to the curb. Do you say something? Joke about it? Bitch to other friends that your other friend did something that you deem icky? What are the rules here?
I have a friend whom I adore. We have known each other for five years. We've seen each other cry and seen each other naked. Both are huge girl milestones, friend-wise. In college, I would have included "held back each others hair when throwing up at a Sigma Chi party" to the list of girl milestones but now that I'm in my thirties, throwing up in bushes isn't a weekend activity anymore. So, this friend...Friend "A" was a treasure. And one day we decide to meet at a cafe for lunch. Turns out, I knew the waiter that was waiting on us. And, my friend the waiter, ended up bring us all sorts of treats on the house and when the bill came didn't charge us for half of what we ordered. Awesome! So, I said to friend "A" that we should tip him on what the total would have been had he not comped so many of our items. I mean, we ordered these things with the idea that we would pay for what we ordered, right? So...imagine my surprise when she looks up at me and says she's just going to tip based on the substantially lowered bill. I was stunned. So, I tipped my waiter friend alone based on what the original bill would have been...and then some. And I decided not to hang with Friend "A" for awhile.
But should I have called her on the ick? Me thinks I should have. But how? Would it have really changed anything? I guess I'll never know.
After some time apart I ran into Friend "A" at a birthday party and I have to say we are forever changed. I still like her. We'll still be friends but something in me has shifted. I guess, even with friends, there are deal breakers. Bummer.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Missing...
I like to miss people and have them miss me. It's something that we all unconsciously strive for. Being missed. We want people to enjoy our company and long for it when they don't have it. We want people to be delighted to see us after time apart from them. Missing is important.
The opposite of missing must then be boredom. "Oh, you again," is something that no one wants to hear. We want to be missed. And this idea is one that I have used in my relationship for ages. My husband and I, without meaning to, are busy. We are not that couple that spends every waking moment with each other. Instead, we leave each other the freedom to aspire and spend time seeking out our own passions and interests. By doing this, we are both fulfilled creatively and don't look to each other to complete our own identity...creatively, at least. And in doing so, we always miss each other. And because we miss each other we are always thrilled to be in each others company. It's one of our "secrets" to success.
These days it's hard to miss people. Mostly because we are so accessable to each other. My best friend in London and I email daily. When he comes to town it's lovely but it feels like I saw him yesterday because I am up to date with everything in his life. So, while I miss him physically his accessibility to me makes me not really "miss" him. Think of the days when people weren't so accessible. When someone you loved wasn't just a phone call or email away. When we as people could go "missing" for a few hours because cell phones and emails were so available. People would say they were meeting at 7pm for dinner and just have to be on time because they wouldn't be able to call or text or email that they were running late.
Now that I am a mommy and time is more prescious than gold or front row tickets to a Radiohead concert, I miss people again. For the first time in a long time. And it's nice. I get excited to see them and hear how they are. I appreciate them more. I ache when we part and get excited to make plans for three weeks from now. Tonight I went to dinner with a friend. Thirty minutes before our meeting I called her and we spoke as we were driving to meet. We hung out for a glorious catch up session and then as I was driving home she called me to continue our talking. It was glorious because we don't get to do it as much any more...and absence has made the heart grow fonder. As it turns out, I missed missing people.
But I'm still accessable by email. My iPhone is always in my pocket so that I can get all emails within moments of their reciept and send a few lines back quickly. I long for a few hours of being unreachable. Perhaps everyday for four hours I will turn my phone off, close my computer and go missing with my daughter to the park or the mall or the frozen yogurt shop. Maybe we need to go missing so that people can miss us more. So, that our time with each other isn't so taken for granted. And with that, I close my computer.
The opposite of missing must then be boredom. "Oh, you again," is something that no one wants to hear. We want to be missed. And this idea is one that I have used in my relationship for ages. My husband and I, without meaning to, are busy. We are not that couple that spends every waking moment with each other. Instead, we leave each other the freedom to aspire and spend time seeking out our own passions and interests. By doing this, we are both fulfilled creatively and don't look to each other to complete our own identity...creatively, at least. And in doing so, we always miss each other. And because we miss each other we are always thrilled to be in each others company. It's one of our "secrets" to success.
These days it's hard to miss people. Mostly because we are so accessable to each other. My best friend in London and I email daily. When he comes to town it's lovely but it feels like I saw him yesterday because I am up to date with everything in his life. So, while I miss him physically his accessibility to me makes me not really "miss" him. Think of the days when people weren't so accessible. When someone you loved wasn't just a phone call or email away. When we as people could go "missing" for a few hours because cell phones and emails were so available. People would say they were meeting at 7pm for dinner and just have to be on time because they wouldn't be able to call or text or email that they were running late.
Now that I am a mommy and time is more prescious than gold or front row tickets to a Radiohead concert, I miss people again. For the first time in a long time. And it's nice. I get excited to see them and hear how they are. I appreciate them more. I ache when we part and get excited to make plans for three weeks from now. Tonight I went to dinner with a friend. Thirty minutes before our meeting I called her and we spoke as we were driving to meet. We hung out for a glorious catch up session and then as I was driving home she called me to continue our talking. It was glorious because we don't get to do it as much any more...and absence has made the heart grow fonder. As it turns out, I missed missing people.
But I'm still accessable by email. My iPhone is always in my pocket so that I can get all emails within moments of their reciept and send a few lines back quickly. I long for a few hours of being unreachable. Perhaps everyday for four hours I will turn my phone off, close my computer and go missing with my daughter to the park or the mall or the frozen yogurt shop. Maybe we need to go missing so that people can miss us more. So, that our time with each other isn't so taken for granted. And with that, I close my computer.
First Post
My husband is away for the weekend. This happens only a handful of times a year. He's a cartoonist and travels for conventions. This time to Seattle. And I am left at home. I secretly love this and look forward to it. Which should come as a surprise as I adore my husband. We've been married for eight spectacular years and dated for seven before tying the knot. He's funny, smart, sexy and my favorite feature of his, aside from his green eyes and perfect apple ass, is his humor. We laugh a lot. And, after nearly fifteen years together, I not only still love him madly, I also still like him very very much. He's my best friend and before you throw up all over youself from the cuteness of it all, I'll stop gushing.
So, yeah, when he leaves town, surprise surprise, I kind of like it. The time alone to watch chick flicks and hang with girlfriends that he finds too vacuous for me to invite over when he's in town. I usually go to the gym and stay there for a long long time. Really get a good sweat on and watch bad TV while on the treadmill or elliptical machine. I read my trashy magazines. I get a few chapters of my latest chicklit read while in some sort of fruity smelling bubble bath. And I drink wine. Red wine. Sometimes, if I'm feeling particularily naughty, I smoke a cigarette. Yup, that was how it used to go down. Used to. As in, no longer. Why?
Because last year everything changed. I had a baby.
Wow, was that a change. I mean, I knew it would be. I'm smart. In my thirties. Have been around children...babies. I've read the books. Watched Oprah. I know, it's life changing. But until it happens to you...you just don't know how your life, in particular, will change. Mine changed a lot.
My daughter was born on a Thursday. It was sunny out. It was afternoon. 2:30pm to be exact. Funny, as 2:30's on Thursdays hold a special place for me. I always find that to be my favorite time of the week. Why? Well, because the anticipation for the weekend is ahead. All of those yummy weekend plans that you have been planning (or even better, not planning) are a day away. It is appropriate that my little lady would be born at 2:30pm on a Thursday. As looking at her I am filled with the excitement and anticipation of what is ahead in her life...who she will be. What funny things she will do or say, etc.
This is the type of stuff I will talk about. See, I am entering this blog-o-sphere tonight for the first time and I will be talking about many things in my time here. Sometimes the mundane. Sometimes the, let's hope, profound. I'll be personal. I'll be honest. I'll try to be funny. And, I imagine, a lot of it will be about being a mother, a wife and a friend. So, this is the first entry. The first moment that I have had a chance to "start". Because, the plain truth is, I don't know any mother who is like the mother I hope and aspire to be. So I figured I'd document my journey in attempting to be that mother. I will have successes and failures...more successes, I hope. And I will share my growing pains with whom ever will listen.
And that is why, one year (almost to the day) after my sweet girl was born, I start this blog. On a weekend that would normally have been reserved for selfish and yummy frivolity. I trade in my US Weekly for a computer and I type. But one thing hasn't changed. Next to me is a glass of wine. And, as my little one sleeps, I sip with great delight. The house is quiet, and hell, I may even take the video monitor that I use to watch my little one doze into the bathroom and attempt a bubble bath. I think I've got some pomogranate scented suds tucked away somewhere.
God help me.
So, yeah, when he leaves town, surprise surprise, I kind of like it. The time alone to watch chick flicks and hang with girlfriends that he finds too vacuous for me to invite over when he's in town. I usually go to the gym and stay there for a long long time. Really get a good sweat on and watch bad TV while on the treadmill or elliptical machine. I read my trashy magazines. I get a few chapters of my latest chicklit read while in some sort of fruity smelling bubble bath. And I drink wine. Red wine. Sometimes, if I'm feeling particularily naughty, I smoke a cigarette. Yup, that was how it used to go down. Used to. As in, no longer. Why?
Because last year everything changed. I had a baby.
Wow, was that a change. I mean, I knew it would be. I'm smart. In my thirties. Have been around children...babies. I've read the books. Watched Oprah. I know, it's life changing. But until it happens to you...you just don't know how your life, in particular, will change. Mine changed a lot.
My daughter was born on a Thursday. It was sunny out. It was afternoon. 2:30pm to be exact. Funny, as 2:30's on Thursdays hold a special place for me. I always find that to be my favorite time of the week. Why? Well, because the anticipation for the weekend is ahead. All of those yummy weekend plans that you have been planning (or even better, not planning) are a day away. It is appropriate that my little lady would be born at 2:30pm on a Thursday. As looking at her I am filled with the excitement and anticipation of what is ahead in her life...who she will be. What funny things she will do or say, etc.
This is the type of stuff I will talk about. See, I am entering this blog-o-sphere tonight for the first time and I will be talking about many things in my time here. Sometimes the mundane. Sometimes the, let's hope, profound. I'll be personal. I'll be honest. I'll try to be funny. And, I imagine, a lot of it will be about being a mother, a wife and a friend. So, this is the first entry. The first moment that I have had a chance to "start". Because, the plain truth is, I don't know any mother who is like the mother I hope and aspire to be. So I figured I'd document my journey in attempting to be that mother. I will have successes and failures...more successes, I hope. And I will share my growing pains with whom ever will listen.
And that is why, one year (almost to the day) after my sweet girl was born, I start this blog. On a weekend that would normally have been reserved for selfish and yummy frivolity. I trade in my US Weekly for a computer and I type. But one thing hasn't changed. Next to me is a glass of wine. And, as my little one sleeps, I sip with great delight. The house is quiet, and hell, I may even take the video monitor that I use to watch my little one doze into the bathroom and attempt a bubble bath. I think I've got some pomogranate scented suds tucked away somewhere.
God help me.
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